I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
