I'd wear matching sweaters with you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
