does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize