I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize