and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
