God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life is so much better after having sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
