At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
