Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
