She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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