do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
