Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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