i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize