Already got asked if we're dating
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
