fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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