first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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