She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
