On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
