hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
