I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
