I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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