I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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