On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
