This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
