the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
