1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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