i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
