1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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