Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
