I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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