just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
