They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize