i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize