You can't motorboat a personality
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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