there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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