Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
