I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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