Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
