I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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