Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize