I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
