Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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