I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
