I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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