so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
