Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
