Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize