she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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