my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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