I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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