I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
