Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
