Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
