i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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