Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
