she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
