No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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