it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
