just tell him i said nine months
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How's work?
Spinning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
