guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
