Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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