Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
