Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
