my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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