Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
