the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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