The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
