wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
