I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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