I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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