I need help removing her.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
