It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
