I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Buhtt sex?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
