you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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