next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
