I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize