You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
