First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
