Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
