i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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