Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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