Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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