I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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