i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
