Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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