She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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