i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i think my cat just said my name.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
