why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
