You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize