wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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