Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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