I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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