What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
