Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize