dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
