I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
