I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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