She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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