totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
