I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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