With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
