I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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