I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
