Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
