Just took my morning after pill in the library
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
